New Birth
by Scarlet Paige
Summary: I truly hate the sent of human blood. I hate that is draws me closer. What choice do I have, this is what I need to survive this atrocious life... Edwards journey from a new vampire to the begining of Twilight. Please, R&R. Good or Bad I need to know R&R!
1. JOURNEY

**JOURNEY**

As the sun starts to set, another uneventful day passes. The night grows closer and that means another night walking aimlessly alone. The lightly treaded snow crunching under my feet. People passing me by, bundled up in their warm winter clothing and mittens. Holding there loved ones tightly, enjoying the night's crisp air.

It would be cool tonight for humans, about –5. For me no temperature is too cold as my skin is ice and hard as stone. I welcome the cold, it's the only time I can feel somewhat normal. It's the thought of the cold that chills me; I walk alone with no one on my arm. No one would dare cling to my arm if they knew what I truly was.

Strangely enough it's almost spring. In a small town near Chicago, the crisp winds take longer for the days to warm and the nights extended with the lingering glow of the day. I walk searching for something or someone that I can relate to but I only know of two. Carlisle has spoke of others but I have not met them. It is not safe for me to be on my own, but I can't stand being still and looking at what I really am. I envy these warm blooded, rosy-cheeked humans. They still have warmth, they still have a beating heart, and they can love whole-heartedly with out reservation. I have none of these things. I am alone, and will be for the rest of my immortal life.

And now here I am following two innocent girls, trying to act normal as they look behind at me smiling and whispering.

"He is so handsome, his smile is beautiful", the one girl whispered to the other. But there is no need for whispering because I can hear their every internal thought. A gift that was enhanced, with my immortality.

One girl is very pretty, rosy checks from the cool night air, her hair hidden in a bonnet but a few dark tendrils fall down at the sides. Her overcoat is most likely covering a tight bodice that holds her together.

The other girl seems more interested in me, but she is hesitant. She question's my motives, "why is he following us" the rest of her thought finished in her mind, "_he is defiantly to handsome for me. He must be interested in Grace_" She puts her friends first and is allowing "Grace" (as spoke in her mind) to have the first attempt at me.

If they only knew that neither of them would have a shot against me. Nothing could, I am to strong, to fast, they wouldn't see what happened or see me coming. So to generate some interest in my never ending days, I say the first words to spare them the argument later.

Before they could look back at me again, I was swiftly on their side. "Good evening, ladies. Cool night, isn't it." I didn't think that her cheeks could blush any further; the cold air was already doing its job. Suddenly they turned a very bright shade of scarlet.

"Good evening to you sir, it is rather cool". Her smile was beaming at me. I could sense she inhaled my breath and it caught her off guard, a bit of a daze. I have to admit, this was one of my tricks I used to incapacitate my prey.

"So where would two beautiful girls be going on this cool night with no escort" I stated with charm. The other girl spoke, so she wouldn't be left in the shadows of her friend. "Well we were just going for a nightly walk to the park". Perfect I thought, the light was dimming and there were fewer pedestrians on the cobble stone path now. If these two girls went missing to fill my burning thirst, no one would see them. I had only hoped that they were not of importance in this tiny town. Would anyone notice them missing. I usually like to do my research but tonight I just couldn't resist my natural urges. So gladly I suggested that I escort them to the park, "you never know who's out there lurking in the shadows" I said with a smirk. Little did these innocent young girls know it was I, Edward Cullen lurking in the night.

Just as both girls smiled politely at me with interest and a slight step in my direction, a voice in the distance was heard over the sound of horse hooves. "Grace, what are you and Emma doing out so late. It's, time to go inside now". This man was escorting a carriage with a delivery in the back. He appeared to be in his forties, something I would never see in my lifetime, I was forever seventeen. This was most likely her father. Not to mention that he appeared to see my intentions a little closer than the two girls had. He knew I was going to be trouble. The man demanded both girls come along with him and they both got in the carriage and rode away. The girl named Grace looked over her shoulder and gave me a wink with one eye. I politely took of my cap and nodded. Great, now I need to find other means to satisfy this thirst burning in side of me. I sit on a bench near by my rambling thoughts overpower me.

I truly hate the sent of human blood. I hate that is draws me closer, I hate that I can hear the beat of a heart flowing rich with thick blood through the veins of their living bodies. I hate the rusty taste it leaves on my tongue, in my mouth. I hate the satisfaction it gives me to succumb to my thirst.

What choice do I have, this is what I need to survive this atrocious life style that was bestowed upon me. Don't get me wrong; I do not begrudge Carlisle for what he has done to me. He had choices to make and he has said time and time again he could not bear to see me suffer any longer. The plea from my birth mother to save me resounded in his empty soul.

He could not let me die. He saw an opportunity to build his life and family and I am honored he wanted me to be a part of it. I just have a harder time dealing with the demands of this lifestyle.

I have only been immortal for 10 years now, and that is still very young. I am still learning how to control my self, my natural urges. It's unfathomable to believe that killing a human being is now a natural urge for me, normal behavior.

I have few memories of my human years, before my "new birth" as I call it. The memories are beginning to fade vaguely in to my forgotten memory. I can recall times when hearing the melodies of the piano calmed me and soothed my soul. This was one memory I held tight in my none-existent heart about my mother. She had such a beautiful ear for music, a natural ability. I would sit beside her and just stare and listen at the captivating sound of music the piano made. It was a vessel for her to express her self and she beamed with joy and love when she would play.

She was teaching me how to play just before we became ill with Spanish influenza. It tares me apart to think I will never see her play again in my life. I have tried to recreate the most beautiful lullaby's she had written. I only seem to sit and stare at the ivory and onyx keys. Now all I can compose are ominous tones, noise, racket, and dissatisfaction.

I think of Carlisle here in this moment; he is now my family, my father. We have new memories to compose, memories I will never forget. I only hope that one day I can be like him, but it appears to be an unattainable goal. He is a good man; he is a man of medicine. He still to this day treats patients and try's to save the lives of these humans we co exist with. It's hard to understand his control, his compassion for them.

He was alone, just as I sit here with the same feelings. He couldn't possibly drift through this existence unaccompanied any longer; he had already survived more than 200 years of solitude. When he turned me it broke his heart. He felt partly selfish in his reasons for changing me. The first, he couldn't bare the thought of living alone any longer, he longed for a family.

Second, it was my dying mothers wish to save me, anyway Carlisle could. I believe my mother had a sense of knowing things that others might not ever question. I think she knew what Carlisle was, and it calmed her some how. Maybe the thought that I would never die was what appealed to her. To understand her son would live forever.

I believe this is where my gift of reading minds came from, my mother. One day Carlisle said that when some are changed we can bring a gift with us from our human life. It appeared my talent was enhanced with immortality.

Days later Carlisle was forced to make another choice, Esme. She was brought straight to the morgue. She was found at the bottom of a hillside by passing workers. It was very steep and her broken bloodied body lay at the bottom. No one ever found out if it was an accident or perhaps Esme's secret desire. She was pronounced dead at the scene.

Carlisle was performing rounds at the hospital that evening, that's when he saw her. To his surprise, he was drawn to her beauty. How could anyone see the beauty in a bloodied body one might ask, but that's how strong Carlisle's compassion truly is. He always looked at these horrific scenes and thought how can I change this. He was leaning in to examine the body and it hit him, he could smell the sent of her flowing blood. It was very week but it was still pulsing through her body. She was believed to be dead; no one came to claim her, if she disappeared would anyone notice. It was a safe choice.

In that moment, and a desire for companionship, Carlisle brought Esme to life. It would be a new life with a new beginning and no end. She awoke 3 days later. When her eyes opened to see Carlisle standing beside her waiting patiently, she smiled at him and said thank you. At that moment she was given a husband, and a child.

Lost in my thoughts, a tiny snowflake landed on my hand and just as it should melt at the touch of warm skin, it remains intact on my cool hand. I wipe it away furiously and realize I will never again know the touch of warm skin. Only the feeling of warmth with a fresh kill will stay in my memory now. This brings me back to the present moment, the reason I am out hunting this evening. My thirst.

Somehow I hear Carlisle voice in my head, is his compassion wearing off on me. I'm not close so they are not current thoughts. It's the quiet voice of concern I have heard before. He truly wishes I would try harder to change my diet. I have tired, maybe not hard enough. I hate the disappointment I see in his eyes when I return. I don't need to say a single word to him; he always knows what I have done.

Carlisle and Esme have chosen another diet. Esme has been practicing it for about 8 years now. They only feed on the blood of animals. With Carlisle there was only one exception. I believe this is how he can treat patients at the hospital. Will power aside there is always the burning desire to devour human blood. I don't know how he resists. I have never seen Carlisle taste human blood in my presence and I believe I never will.

It was not Carlisle's choice to live this existence. His father was a man of God, an Anglican pastor. His father believed something was living in the sewers of London and it was evil. He was often involved in the hunt for witches, werewolves and vampires. He fell ill and demanded his son take his place in the fight. He was an intolerable man however; Carlisle did not want to disappoint him so he reluctantly accepted. At 23 he lead an army of vigilantes into the dark streets and sewers of London.

Carlisle had done some research, staying out late trying to catch a glimpse of the infamous creatures. He located a group, and led the hunt towards them. There were only a few; during the hunt they all got away except one.

Carlisle ran trying to catch the monster. He eventually caught up to it. Not because he out ran the beast, it was because the beast was thirsty. He turned and charged towards Carlisle, he was helpless. The speed and desire of his blood was too strong for Carlisle to defend against and he lost the battle, he was left in the streets to die. Carlisle had enough strength to drag his beaten and lifeless body into a pile of rotting potatoes to hide for fear of what he might become.

He waited for days to wake and when he did, he wished, he had died that night in the street. He didn't understand the burning thirst that was building in side of him. However his new instincts took over. The first thing he encountered was man sitting on a stoop with a bottle in hand. The man was not conscious and smelled liquor. Carlisle could not control his "natural desire"; the blood lust was too strong. The warm scent of the blood pulsing through his body was over whelming. Being uncontrollable was not something Carlisle was accustomed too. However he acted on his desire and he killed the only human he has ever spoke of.

From that night on he could not bear the thought of killing any thing again. He has always had the desire to save what is living. Starting with humans, to animals to the smallest insect that passed him by.

He had to make sacrifices if he would survive this life, if you could call it a life. He chose to only feed on animals that were over populated, trying to ensure no suspicions would be aroused.

Emse took to this diet more easily that I have. I think it's her desire to please Carlisle. She has irrevocably fallen in love with Carlisle.

From the moment she opened her eyes she was in love. I believe Esme never experience love in her human life, it's hard to believe because she has the ability to love everything and everyone. Even in our world. You can see the way she looks at Carlisle she is unconditionally in love with him. Their bond in indescribable. I envy what they share and crave that same affection.

If only I could truly feel love. I never had a chance to experience the feeling and probably never will. The only love I have received was from my mother, a maternal love. I will never have the chance to know what undying love is. When will the day come I might have someone in my life? I sit here under the moonlight and ponder the thought.

I stood to my feet not realizing the amount of snow that has gathered on my boots. How long had I sat here. That's the thing with immortality time means nothing anymore. It is endless.

So I stand and start walking back to our home. With Carlisle so heavy in my thoughts tonight, I will behave. As I pass the country hillside, I can be sure no one is around now and so I take a leap into the forest and look for tonight's meal. In the last 10 years the only thrill I enjoy of this life is running. It makes me feel alive, somehow human.

As I start to run I catch the sent of dear, I followed it to the frozen stream and attacked. This would have to do; I will not take a human life tonight.

But just as I am about to sink my razor sharp teeth in to my nightly meal, a noise in the distance distracted me. Usually my sight is nearly perfect, like a cat in the night but I can't make out what it is. What is approaching so fast? I drop the half dead animal and hide behind a tall oak tree. I will have to linger here until I can see what it is. Maybe it will be the juicy blood of a human, I can only hope, the dear wasn't satisfying me.


	2. First Meeting

First Meeting

All of the sudden like a tornado I see blur, just whipping around the forest stirring up debris with out a care in the world. My eyes focus and I can see a blue coat, yellow scarf and strawberry blonde hair. And then she stood as still as a statue, turned in my direction and I saw her crimson eyes. It took my breath away, if I was able to actually breathe. Her figure was the shape of an hourglass; there was a small dimple on her right cheek, enticing full rose-colored lips and porcelain skin. She is exquisite!

She stood over the half eaten carcass; she gracefully bent down to examine the puncture wounds in the animal and started to laugh. "Silly vegetarians" she stated with a slight Russian accent. "Will they ever learn blood is so much more enjoyable"? Strangely I was just thinking the same thing.

"Carlisle" she called out with a bit of a chuckle in her tone, "are you out here"? How the hell does she know Carlisle? Who is this woman if I can call her that, because I know she is far from the warmth of a woman's touch. She is a Vampire just like me. Someone else like me, I am almost lost in this thought. I know Carlisle has mentioned others but I never thought I would meet them in my back yard. She is so captivating.

I stepped out from behind the tall oak tree slightly crouching in case she feels like a fight. I take my first steps with caution. She turned just as fast as I did and we made eye contact. "Well hello" she spoke curiously. "Is this your meal"? she asked. "Did you want to take the leftovers home or have you finished".

"No, I wasn't finished, I was interrupted". I said as sarcastically as she had spoken to me. "Are you alone" I asked. She smiled and her brilliant white teeth lit up the dark forest. "No I am not alone. My sisters Irina and Kate are still-hunting. I was just going for a walk I guess you could say. I was trying to find a hunter, they are always the best you know". " Bye the way I'm Tanya, and you are"? She asked. "Edward Cullen" I replied. "I heard you call out for Carlisle, how do you know him"?

"Edward Cullen" she spoke with her eyes slanted, "are you Carlisle's boy"? I still couldn't get over how she knew Carlisle; she was defiantly not a vegetarian. Her blood red eyes stated that very clearly.

"Yes, I guess you could say I am Carlisle's son" I corrected her. "Would you like to explain how you know that"? Her face seemed to lighten at the remembered. I felt a little more at ease with this woman in front of me. She was younger that Esme, maybe 20 or so. She appears to be flawless, but most of our kind is as Carlisle has mentioned. We become more beautiful than the perfect human could possible be when we are changed. It's a way to lure in our prey. It makes it easier for us, not like anyone would have a chance.

As she examines me I can hear what she is thinking. "Very handsome boy, his face is so alluring. Gorgeous bronzed hair, chiseled jaw line, muscular body, and welcoming eyes. Maybe if he was a little older I might give him a chance" a smile starts to creep up one my face. If she only knew I could hear her. I really love this part of being immortal.

She noticed my intoxicating smile, and comes back to the conversation we were having previously. With a slight shake of her head she spoke. "Right, Carlisle. Well we met quite a few years ago. He stayed with my sisters and I when we were residing in Alaska. He was searching for more of our kind. He was advised to come to visit us by the Volturi." She gave me a puzzled look, "do you know who the Volturi are"?

"Yes" I spoke with confidence. "I am aware who they are. I am educated you know. I may look young but I assure I am older than I appear." She looked at me oddly, wondering if I could her read her thoughts, if she only knew.

"Carlisle stayed with us for quite a while. He tried to convince us that we could be more humane about this life style. That killing a human was not our only option for survival. He told us how he started to live his life on this vegetarian diet as he called it," She gestured towards the dear; "I see he has taught you the same practice"?

"Not with out difficulty. I as you stated earlier prefer the taste of human blood as well. I am just trying to convince myself I can do the same as Carlisle. It's just so hard to change what you are naturally drawn too. I don't have the will power to be good. I don't know why I am telling you all this. I just feel that I really have no one that I can relate to".

She stepped towards me, her eyes almost understanding. I think she has been torn by this same dilemma. "So, you have kept in touch with Carlisle over the years then" I spoke to bring the conversation back to her.

"Yes, we have been communicating by post for the last 20 years or so. He has told me all the stories of finding you and Emse. He was so delighted to have started a family. Carlisle was so very alone when he was staying with us. I knew he longed for love, for a soul mate, and family. Someone he could spend the rest of eternity with. He was torn with that feeling for quite sometime. I believe the Volturi sent him to Alaska hoping one of us would be a match for him. That maybe he could find comfort in one of us, but he never did". She looked up to the stars remembering. It appeared she had hoped Carlisle would have fallen in love with her. At that moment she did speak but internally, " I wish he did".

Tanya refocused and looked in lighter spirits now. "Anyway, do you live close to here? The last letter I received stated you live in this town. My sisters and I were traveling and we thought we would stop by and say hello it's been so long".

"Actually we lived about 20 miles south of this forest. This is usually where we hunt. Are your sisters close, we can get them on the way home"?

The smile grew on her face, "well I believe they were trying to find a local pub. That's where we usually find our meals. The alcohol numbs them a little so they are easier to pursue. The only downfall is the alcohol doesn't taste very good, but it makes for a interesting night," she said light heartedly.

I speak candidly some how feeling liberated, " I find it hard to believe that you would need alcohol to purse any man. You are quite intoxicating your self". What is wrong with me where did that come from? Am I losing it or what? This is how I act trying to capture my victims. Not a fist meeting with someone of my own kind. Who am I trying to impress. I have been alone for far to long I am losing my mind. I knew this day would come.

Her eyebrows raised and a slight grin appeared on her face. She spoke to her self, "maybe he's not that young after all".

Snapping out of my delusions and breaking our gaze I started walking out of the forest and gestured with my hand in the right direction. "Well this way to town, shall we go"?

"Absolutely. Lead the way, Edward. I just hope you can keep up with me, women run faster than men do". If she only knew how much I loved to run and how fast I actually am. "We will see about that", I said with a sly grin. At that moment I leaped so fast and took off in to the black forest like a bullet. Unfortunately, Tanya was right at my side.


	3. AMUSED

Amused

As we ran thought the forest, my mind fills with questions. Questions I have for Carlisle and questions I have for my self. This beautiful woman running at my side makes me curious. Curious at the possibilities of what she could mean to me. She is certainly stunning, that is apparent, but could this perhaps be the chance I have been longing for? I need to know what happened between Tanya and Carlisle before I continue this train of thought in my mind. I only hope it's as innocent as I want to let my self believe.

As we run, the forest is lightly dusted with a blanket of snow on the forest floor. I look at Tanya and notice no trace of her footprints in the snow. She seems so graceful in her movements; it's hard not to stare at her. As I spoke that thought in my mind her eyes met my gaze, she gave me a wide smile declaring her exhilaration for running as well. Something we have in common. As I continue to stare at her beautiful face, in an instant it changes from joy to panic. It was an unfamiliar expression for someone of our kind to emit, the emotion of panic. As I break my gaze from her and focus my eyes ahead, it's too late.

The sight of a tall oak tree is directly in front of my face. I have never actually ran into to tree before, my mind races with uncertainty, what will happen. I begin to brace my stone hard body for impact. The tree is tall and wide, hundreds of years old, as I will eventually be. It's to late to move around it and I collide with this resilient tall oak that stands before me. My ridged body breaks through and pieces of this beautiful sturdy statue are flying everywhere. The sound of the collision was as loud as the most violent thunderstorm you could imagine. The impact changes my trajectory and I fly through the air landing on my back.

I lie there for a moment, wounded, only by my pride. Tanya moves towards me and is standing above looking down. Her face lightens and the biggest grin creeps up on her face. She lets out this incredibly infectious laughter and I can't control my self. Even though my dignity is hurt, I look up at her and I begin to laugh together with her. I have never laughed like this in the last ten years of this dreadful life. I feel free. I feel alive.

"I can't believe this; I have never in my life hit a tree while running" I shout still laughing. My peripheral vision in superb, I can't believe how distracted I was. Tanya held out her hands as a kind gesture to help me up. I do not need her assistance to stand but I am curious of the thought of her touch. I gently extend my hands and she helps me to my feet. She smiles and me and we break out in to laughter again as we look around at the mess I have created. "Well I think you could hear that tree falling even if no one was around" I said looking at her smile. " That was very amusing. I have never seen that happen before, ever. I guess you will learn to keep your eyes ahead from now on," she giggled.

I was very embarrassed at the thought she caught me staring at her for far to long. "I apologized for staring", I said changing my tone to that of a more serious one. How can I keep my emotions calm right now, " I am just so interested in you, in someone of my kind, aside from my family. It's all very new to me and I am very fascinated to learn more from you and your sisters". There that was pretty general. I hope she can't see more of what I truly desire in her.

"Well that that was fun but we should probably see what trouble my sisters have gotten them selves into. Maybe we should walk the rest of the way, I would hate the town's people to think that a tornado just swept through the forest. Maybe the walk would help you be less distracted and destructive". She gave me a little wink out of the corner of her right eye. I enjoyed the flirtation she was returning.

I nodded with approval and led the way out of the forest. We reached the cobble stone path on the main street of town. During our walk we talked candidly about how we both came into this world. My story would be more familiar to her as she mentioned keeping in touch with Carlisle. It was so nice to talk to someone new. I love Esme and Carlisle, but they're my parents and you never want to tell your parents all your thoughts and feelings. Especially in this life, I am always afraid of saying something that may hurt them. Carlisle especially, I never want to make him feel worse for bestowing this life on me. I believe he is already filled with regret.

I kept talking to Tanya and she graciously listened to my every word. I was starting to feel so comfortable with this beautiful woman at my side. We talked about where we have traveled, where we have had to escape from for fear of being discovered by humans. That can be the hardest part of this life. Trying to fit in some how with the human world. It was even harder that I have not completely abstained from human blood. I am trying so hard to change. I hate this part of my life.

It seems Tanya's family is more excepting of the natural food source than I am. I was so enthralled with our conversation that we reached the pub in no time; it was alive with light and laughter. As we peered in the window from the street you could see two beautiful women standing in the center of the room, singing and dancing practically gliding. As they spun I caught the color of their eyes and I knew they could only be Tanya's sisters Irina and Kate. They were entertaining the crowd, undoubtedly a way to attract a few suitors for tonight's feast.

"Lets go and get them before there's a slaughter". Tanya spoke as if she had seen this scene before. I opened the door as I should for Tanya, she gracefully entered the pub and all eyes were now on her. I waited in the shadows of the door for this was not a familiar scene for me. I tried to stay clear of humans as much as I possibly could for fear of what would enviably happen.

"Good evening gentleman" she spoke, but it's as if she sang the words aloud. " I see you have enjoyed tonight's entertainment. Kate and Irina are truly entertainers but I am afraid we must leave now for other matters call on us tonight". One of her sisters gave Tanya a very infuriated glance with her crimson eyes, she spoke in her mind "we are not finished here, we were just getting started". Tanya acknowledged the stare. "I know it's getting late and we really must be going but I promise we will return tomorrow to continue the party". She nodded at both of the women and her statement some how put ease into their faces. It appears that Tanya is the leader of this coven; her sisters followed her as I held the door for all three of them to exit. I held my glance to the ground, for fear strangely that they would see me. I have just met Tanya tonight and I was already overwhelmed. I would have to endure meeting Irina and Kate as well and have even more questions.

As we left I followed behind listening to their conversation. "You know Tanya just because you have picked another human to entertain you with tonight doesn't mean we didn't want the same thing. I can't believe you are so selfish. You want everything. You always need the spotlight. You always leave us with nothing". "_If you weren't immortal I would kill you myself"_. This statement was not shared with the others, just Irina and my self, however she didn't know I heard her. I couldn't believe the anger she felt towards Tanya. This is a conversation I believe they have spoken many times. " Well first of all Irina you are sorely mistaken. Edward is not a human. He is one of us. I found him running into trees in the forest. Strange behavior really". I couldn't believe she was mocking me. The rapid turn of both women in my direction changed my train of thought.

I finally lifted my head so they could see my face. A face carved out of stone, which usually mirrored my emotions until tonight. Together they gasped, their stare met my blood filled eyes. "Hello. My name is Edward Cullen. I met Tanya tonight in the forest tonight" I stated as politely as possible. "Edward Cullen?" Kate spoke for the first time. She had such a sweet endearing voice. " Are you Carlisle's son, Edward?"

They spoke of Carlisle with affection in their tone. I see he had made quite an impression on the Denali sisters. As of course he would. He makes quite an impression on everyone he meets. "Yes. I am Carlisle's son. We live very close Tanya and I were just coming to get you so we could go back to the house. I am positive Carlisle and Esme would be so pleased to see you. This was the reason for the abrupt exit, my apologies".

"Edward you don't nee to apologize. Irena, Kate I am sorry for rushing you out of the pub. I was just so excited I couldn't help it. We can go back tomorrow night, I promise" Tanya seemed very sincere towards her sisters. This is probably how she usually smoothes them over. The one thing that really caught me off guard was the thoughts Irina was speaking in her mind. "_Carlisle, great I thought that was finally dealt with. I see why she was so excited". _Her eyes shifted in my direction, "_ I hope this poor boy doesn't get caught up in Tanya's usual behavior. I hope he can see what she is capable of. I just hope we can avoid another disaster." _

I wonder what Irina means. What is Tanya "capable of"; I guess I need to pay attention. Irina seems more cautions of Tanya intentions; perhaps I should be as well. It's not like me to be so trusting of others; I am almost embarrassed, I let my guard down for a second and now I am unsure of what I thought this beautiful creature is.

"Well we should get going and see Carlisle, and Esme too of course. I haven't met her yet. I can't wait to see her". Tanya had a small grin on her face, almost mischievous.

I 'm dying to hear Carlisle's side of this story. Hopefully it will settle my running thoughts. "We have about 20 Miles to the house it should only take us about 5 minuets. Follow me please". As we walked towards the edge of the forest Tanya was at my side and whispered in my ear. "Try not to hit any tree's this time". She looked at me and gave me a devilish wink.

We arrived in less time than I thought. Running was apparently something all sisters enjoyed. As we walked under the stoop of the porch, the door of the house opened, Carlisle was standing in the frame of the door. He must have been waiting for me, concerned for me as always. As I walked towards him, he briefly caught a look at the women standing behind me. I was trying to read his thoughts for some further insight, but there was nothing. The expression on Carlisle's face spoke volumes.


	4. Dreaming

Dreaming

When Carlisle's eyes met my own, it was the strangest thing I have ever seen, it's like no one was there. Carlisle and I have gotten used to having conversations privately for so long now. I was looking for answers, anything he would allow me, but nothing was given. It was the most confused I have ever been, Carlisle never holds anything back from me.

His stare broke from my eyes, eyes that appeared to be filled with hurt and bitterness. Emotions I have never seen on Carlisle's face before. I didn't think I would ever see these feelings arise in him, he was too good, too pure, a man of love and affection.

He took a step back into the house, and in Carlisle's usual friendly tone spoke, a smile appeared on his face. " Well I do have to say that it has been far to long. Kate, Irina, Tanya, please come in, and welcome to our home". They exchanged hugs and pleasantries, towards one another. Tanya stepped forward and stood in front of Carlisle, she approached with caution. Their eyes stayed locked on each other for what seemed like eternity but was actually brief seconds.

"Carlisle, I know we still have some conversations to finish and you are right, it has been far to long but I promise you we will get to that. But for now, it is truly wonderful to see you. I would love to meet your beautiful wife. As you can see I have already met your wonderful son. He is very much like you, although he doesn't appear to see that in him self". Tanya spoke with the most sincerity I have seen so far this evening.

"You are right Tanya, another time, soon, very soon". Carlisle's smile widened as he called for Esme.

" Esme, Edward is home and he brought some company" Every time Carlisle speaks Esme's name his face lightens and he is filled with joy. I believe Tanya could see this as well and perhaps a little jealous.

Esme came floating down the long staircase that filled the entrance of the house with its beautiful mahogany finish. "Carlisle did you say we have company"? " Yes love, we do. Do you remember what I have told you of the Denali Sisters, Kate, Irina and Tanya in Alaska"? It was convenient he would speak of Tanya last trying not to put to much emphasis on her name. The motives of Carlisle's order indicated Esme doesn't know about Tanya. I would have thought that he has shared everything with Esme. I guess some heartache is too painful to discuss with any one.

"Yes of course. Hello it's so nice to finally meet all of you". Just as you would expect, Esme embraced all three sisters with open arms and genuine love. She is truly the most loving person I have ever met. It's so fitting she is my mother. One of the only joys of this life is having her in it with me.

"Well please come in, lets sit in the living room and catch up" Carlisle lead they way and we all followed. There was hours of conversation, since we didn't sleep there was really nothing else to do.

We showed them around the house. Thanks to Carlisle and his profession as a doctor we can afford a rather large house. We have to try and appear to be normal the best we can and fit in with the community. We have 4 bedrooms on the second floor, there was a bedroom for Irina and Kate to share; Tanya took a room to her self. At this point we all went our separate ways for some privacy and alone time. I went to my bedroom with a million different thoughts running in my head.

Although sleep in not a necessity, privacy is and it's great to just sit by your self, think and be alone. I enjoy the solitude of my room. It was filled with the greatest records to listen to and a wall full of books to read and educate my self with.

At times, I just lie on the lounge and close my eyes and pretend that I am sleeping. Trying to remember how this felt was so fascinating. I actually missed being unconscious and being able to dream. Dreaming allowed you to escape from the world, when everything seemed possible. I can never escape from this world; I will live in it forever, more like a nightmare.

I missed dreaming. I would dream of love and the though of finding that perfect woman to share my life with. I recall having a specific dream, it came to me several times but it's faint as I lay here tonight. I was always waiting in a courtyard. It appeared to be old; there was a festival with a crowd of people celebrating. The sound of bells or chimes we ringing through the courtyard in the background. Then this beautiful woman would appear out of the shadows and come towards me, she would stand right in front of me and reach out to touch my face. The look in her eyes was so warm and inviting. She had beautiful deep brown eyes, porcelain skin and the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. The problem is she was only in my dreams. It felt like I was always supposed to find this woman, I thought some day I might. Not anymore, no one could possible want to touch me now. I'm a hideous monster, a killer.

This solitude is supposed to bring me peace; instead it fills me with anger and frustration. I force my self to come back to reality, giving up on pleasant thoughts. As I open my eyes I am surprised to see Tanya sitting on the end of my lounge. My senses are amazing; I can't believe I didn't hear her. I must have truly been in another place, maybe I was dreaming.

I slid back on the lounge and looked at her, I didn't speak. Tanya crawled on her hands and knees towards me at human speed, which in our world was very slow. She was approaching like a cat, very curious and mischievous. The look in her blood red eyes was burning into me, like she needed to feed. She climbed on top of me and then she was directly in front of my face staring deep into my eyes. I tried to read her thoughts but I couldn't, my mind was racing and I wasn't able to calm it to concentrate. I have never had these feelings arise my whole body was tingling.

Tanya spoke softly in my ear at a speed only vampires could understand. "Edward, I have been waiting to do this since the moment I saw you in the forest. You are amazing" She came back to face me. She leaned in with her full rose colored lips and kissed me. My eyes closed, I kissed her back feeling the passion I have longed for. It felt like I slipped back into another dream.

_Please speak softly for they will hear us. And they will find out, why we don't trust them. Speak up dear, cause I cannot hear you. I need to know why we don't trust them. Explain to me this conspiracy against me, tell me how I lost my power. Tell me why I feel so alone._

_-Paramore-_

_-Conspiracy-_


	5. Decisions

Decisions

The feeling of her full lips pressed against mine was something that I have never felt before. There was a new burning within me, almost as hungry as my thirst for blood. The passion was aching inside me; I didn't want this feeling to end. I held her stone face in my hands and pulled her closer to me, returning the kiss with as much excitement and enjoyment as she had initiated. My breathing started to quicken, and my body felt a thousand pinpricks on my cool skin. Her lips began to part and I felt her tongue press against mine. This is not the type of kiss I have ever exchanged with another women. I was always acting most chivalrous towards them, being careful not to overstep my welcome. But this was something else; there were no rules here just actions of desires and wants.

Tanya began to lie slowly on top of me making every move slow and deliberate. Perhaps she could sense my adolescence in this moment. She broke away from my eager hold and gazed straight into my eyes. "Edward is this something you are ready for". She spoke, almost singing the words. I thought slowly waiting for the right response to come back to my brain. "I have been ready for this my whole life". It's like I just took a bite of the apple from the Garden of Eden. Oh well, I was already in hell. However in this moment, Hell was pretty damn good.

I pulled her in towards my waiting lips and began to kiss her again. This time I was the one to instigate the desire overflowing in my body. Just as caution was being thrown to the wind, Carlisle's thoughts were making their way to my mind, at a very inconvenient time.

_Esme, do you mind if I have a moment with Edward. There has been something bothering me and I need to discuss it with him. _

_Not at all sweetheart, I will be here waiting for you to come back. Is there something you want to discuss with me, maybe I can be of some help?_

_No love, it's really nothing, just boy talk__._

I heard his lips kiss Esme's forehead trying to bring relief to her curiosity. Then the whispers of Carlisle's footsteps were coming towards my door.

I gently put my hands on Tanya's shoulders pushing her back with much regret. She wasn't sure why I was stopping; I could see the confusion in her lust filled eyes. Unfortunately this desire that was building between us was going to have to wait. "Tanya I am sorry but I believe Carlisle will be knocking on my door in about 5 seconds. He wants to have a talk with me."

"What are you a mind reader or something"? She grinned and stated with a joking tone. "Actually, yes, I can read minds, I will explain, I promise. Can you come back later and we can finish what we started". I had a smirk on my face that indicated I was far from being finished with her. "When you are ready, you know where to find me". Just as the knock was at my door, Tanya had disappeared.

"Edward, may I come in?" Carlisle whispered in his soothing voice. I straighten up my clothes that were in a bit of disarray. Trying not to look like I was just mauled by a beautiful, seductive vampire. I quickly grabbed a book from my shelf and opened the book in the middle of a chapter and jumped on the lounge. "Oh course Carlisle come in". He opened the heavy oak door that creaked on its hinges. "I was just catching up on some reading, trying to get ahead on some studies". He always likes it when I was trying to improve my self with continuous education. "That's great Edward, I am very proud of you. Education is very important for us. It helps us keep up with the changing times we live though". He stated very diplomatic. "So what brings you here, is everything alright?" I said trying to keep the conversation light. "Of course it is, I just wanted to talk to you privately about a few things that I am a little late at getting to. It's about Tanya and her sisters". Carlisle sat on the end of the lounge and bent over leaning on his elbows. His head was hanging down looking at the floor. I have never seen Carlisle this upset before. What ever this was, it was really troubling him. We have gotten used to having our conversation silently, so to speak, but he wasn't giving any of this one away. He really wanted to talk, openly.

"Edward, I was really lonely when I was in Italy. When I stayed with the Volturi, Marcus, Aro and Caius, they were great to me and they tried to help me with all my problems, the best they could. They knew that I wouldn't drink human blood, and they eventually accepted that. They just thought I was mentally insane for not indulging in our natural food source. But they also knew that I felt like I was lost. They knew that I needed more in my life, someone to befriend, some one to help me be happy in this life. I refused to make a family as they suggested. I just couldn't think of taking a human life for such selfish reasons". Carlisle became silent; he almost appeared to be ashamed of himself for eventually acting on those impulses.

"Aro recommended I visit Alaska, there was a coven of three sisters who would be more than happy to help. He thought it would help me find what I was looking for. So I left Italy and headed for Alaska. I figured what did I have to loose. I wasn't finding what I needed in Italy anyway. When I finally found Tanya, Kate and Irina they were more than hospitable and they welcomed me with open arms. They are truly beautiful women. If it wasn't for the three of them I don't know where I would be now".

Carlisle eyes met mine and he continued to tell me his story, but rather reluctantly I believe, this was not something he wanted to share. "There was more that just a friendship with Tanya. We became rather close, practically inseparable. We did everything together, went everywhere together. Kate and Irina were happy that Tanya had also found someone to spend time with. We started falling in love".

I had a feeling this is where the conversation was heading, "You and Tanya were a couple?" I tried to sound surprised, but l knew there was something between them. It was the way Tanya reacted every time I would mention Carlisle's name.

Carlisle had a slight smile on his face remembering the good times perhaps. "We were, for a while. But the closer we became the more we appeared to be different. She would not even consider the abstinence of human blood. Her thirst was too powerful. I thought if her feelings for me were true, she would at least try. She never did. She started to lure men back to the house, she would give them an excuse like she needed their help fixing something at the house and then she would kill them. It was such a shame. So many lives were lost".

Carlisle started to pace my room he was getting anxious. "After that phase her lust for blood started to act the same for human men in general. More often she would bring them back to the house and they would stay for days. She would feed them, care for them just as they were her pets. I choose to leave when her behavior started to change. I guess I just wasn't enough for her. She wanted something more. Something I could never give her". Carlisle stood by the window and looked out at the stars. He was obviously very hurt by Tanya. He must have had strong feelings for her maybe he even loved her. It makes me wonder why she acting this way with me. Maybe she wants Carlisle back, but now that he's with Esme perhaps she using me as a pawn to get back at Carlisle some how. I need to understand her motives. Why has she all of the sudden change from wanting human men back to a vampire. Surely, there is another reason she's acting this way.

" That's when I decided to come to Chicago to try and start over again. The hospital was looking for a doctor so I started to work here. I had sent many letters to Tanya and her sisters but Tanya never came to find me. I thought she may have but I guess I was just another man she was once with. I heard from her sisters quite often. They told me she tried to have a relationship with a human. She lasted a while, but as usual her bloodlust was stronger than her emotional feelings, she killed him too". I was shocked at the thought that she tried to have relations with a human, how would that ever be possible. I have a hard time just walking down the street and not killing anyone.

Carlisle continued, "This is the first time I have seen Tanya since I have left Alaska. So now you can understand the shock when I saw her and sisters standing at the door with you. She appears to be fond of you Edward. I can see the way she looks at you, it's the same way she looked at me. I am not here to tell you how to live your life; I just wanted to let you know what she is capable of. She can be very manipulative, just as most of our kind is. But when your emotions are involved you can be blinded, you end up not using you best judgment. And yes I am speaking from experience".

He gave me a fatherly stare making sure I don't repeat his same mistakes. I could tell there was a speech coming. "If there is anything between you and Tanya, that's your business and I will not interfere, I just hope that you think with your head Edward and not your desire to be loved. I know this life is hard and the second you get a chance at love all other thoughts and common sense is out the window. Just make sure that if there's something between you two that she is the right one. That this is something you believe is right for you. I thought Tanya was the one for me, but she wasn't. To tell you the truth, I am so thankful that she wasn't the one. If I had tried to stay and chase after Tanya, I would have never met by beautiful Esme. She is my true love. I will never be happy with the fact I decided to turn her but I was so desperate for love. I am just so fortunate that it has worked out for both of us. I never thought that I would ever get so lucky. I am truly blessed".

How can I sound convincing to him. I don't want to hurt his feelings but just as he stated he was desperate for love. I'm desperate for too love. But maybe Tanya is not someone to love, she is someone to lust after. "I understand how you must have felt, the need to be loved. I have these same feelings. I sit and think about it all the time Carlisle. I just don't know how you waited so long. This has been eating away at me. I don't want to be alone. I see you and Esme, you're so incredibly happy. I want that so damn bad Carlisle. When will I get my chance? When will I be happy?"

I turned away from Carlisle I don't want to upset him. I am just so confused, Tanya obviously desires something from me, but now I can't be sure what it is she truly wants. Does she want me, or does she want revenge. Will I just be a pawn in another one of her games? I need to figure this out. I have never been so confused in this lifetime. Is my desire to be loved stronger than making Carlisle happy? These are questions that need to be answered not by only me, I need to talk to Tanya and figure out where this path is leading me.

Carlisle glided over to me and placed his hand on my shoulder offering as much comfort as he could. "Edward I understand that this is not easy for you. When the possibility of love is present it's amazing the amount thought that needs to go into a decision. I will support what ever you choose. You are my son; I want what's best for you. I want you to be happy. The decision is yours Edward". And just like that Carlisle was gone, and the door closed behind him.

I took a deep breath and my shoulders sunk when I exhaled. I already felt defeated. How am I going to make this decision? Can I make one with out hurting him; it's impossible? I will just have to wait, love will find me again, I have to believe that.

I have to tell Tanya, Goodbye.

Stay tuned, will Edward go away with Tanya, or will his mind overrule his heart??? Please keep reading and reviewing. Check out my other stories as well, they are lonely!! Updating all very soon!!!


	6. Cross Roads

Hey everyone, sorry it has taken me so long to write this damn chapter I have been so busy and it's made me crazy because I never got enough time to finish it. Please read this chapter because you will play a very important role, read on to find out!!

Cross Roads

I sat back down on the lounge in my room, waiting for some common sense to enter my brain. All I could think about was Tanya's full red lips pressed on my own. If I give this up and tell her to leave will I ever find the possibility of love again, will it be to late. I'm so torn I don't know what to do.

An hour passed as I tried to decide the best course of action. I needed to speak with Tanya, so it's now or never. I stood up and slowly walked towards Tanya's room. I stood in front of the door still with so many reservations. I knocked twice and the door opened.

"I didn't think you were coming back to see me" she said, almost pouting. "I was thinking, sometimes I can get caught up in my thoughts for quite a while. I am sorry it took me so long to return". Edward don't get trapped by her beauty, remember why you came in here. I had to keep reminding myself.

"Tanya, there are some things that I would like to discuss with you. Would you mind going for a walk with me"? I could tell by the thoughts swirling in her head she would do anything I asked of her, unfortunately she was hoping for more than a walk. "Of course Edward, I would also like you to explain how you claim to read minds. If I didn't know any better, I would assume you have been reading mine". She grinned slyly.

I grabbed Tanya's jacket off the hook and helped her put it on. There is really no reason for us to wear such silly items but we need to keep up the illusion of being human. I escorted Tanya out the front door and down the driveway. We reached the road and continued walking towards town. It was about 5 am; the sun won't be up for at least another hour and a half. The comfort of the darkness is appealing. We can be more like our selves; we don't have to worry about scaring anyone off with the shimmering glow of our pale white skin.

I start to gather my thoughts and gain some morsel of confidence. I hope that I can stick to my plan; I have a feeling it will be difficult. "When Carlisle came to speak to me tonight, he told me a few stories from the past, most of them involved you and him. Can you explain to me what happen between you and Carlisle? I would like to hear your side of the story, if you don't mind". Edward, try and remember why you are hear, her side will not change the direction you must take. The direction you have to take.

Tanya looked into my curious eyes and she started to speak with a quiet voice, almost unsure how to proceed. "Well, there is quite a bit to tell you but I think you need to decided how much you want to hear'? Great do I really want to know everything, not really? "Well why don't you tell me the parts you think I would be most interested in, and maybe leave out all the really intimate parts, if that suits you" I stated almost cautiously. "Yes that suits me just fine". She giggled.

"Well it was quite a while ago now. Almost 20 years or so, I know that can seem so long ago but for us it feels like months. Carlisle arrived after he had spent some time in Volterra. They wanted him to stay with them so badly but because of the food choice he made it just wasn't going to work. They can be very strict at times, almost overpowering. So he came to stay with us instead of trying to fit in with the Volturi.

"We bonded immediately, it was so amazing to finally meet someone that could keep up with me. I enjoyed Carlisle's company so much. Don't get me wrong I love my sisters but there's nothing like a mans touch, a man's affection and man's…" Tanya looked straight in to my deep red eyes and I understood what she was trying to point out. She obviously has needs, as do I. If only I wasn't torn between right and wrong.

"You understand what I'm trying to say, I won't say any more about that part, other than it was amazing". I shot her a quick glare and she stopped her train of thought.

"Okay, I promise, it's just so much fun watching you squirm a little Edward. I can't help my self". A smile widened on Tanya's face, she really is truly beautiful. Damit try to focus would you. "Please continue, and don't forget you promised"!

Tanya nodded and gave the look that she was back to business. "So we got to know each other quite well, and we started to travel and explore new places. Kate and Irina came along every once and a while with us and it was so great it's like we were a family. We all just fit so perfectly. Time started to pass and to Carlisle's disapproval I still fed on human blood. We all tried to change but it's just so unappealing. The taste, the thickness even the flow of the blood of an animal is different, faster usually. It's just not the same as the mouthwatering taste of thick rich human blood, MMmmm so tasty!!

I tried to change for him, more than I think he knows but I just couldn't. The lust was to strong, I couldn't control my self, just as sex was so satisfying, so is the taste of male human blood!" Tanya looked at the ground almost ashamed that she could not change for Carlisle. With a heavy sigh she started to speak again. "I started to feel inadequate, almost like I just wasn't good enough for him. The fact that I couldn't change for him has never left my thoughts. I wanted nothing more than to live out existence with him, he is such an amazing man. Everyday he tried to help me he never left my side, never faltered.

I knew Carlisle would never think of leaving me and that's when I made the worst decision of my life, so far. I made a choice to become an over indulgent thoughtless "typical" vampire that Carlisle would never stand for. I brought home strange men and fed off of them for days. I made them act like my slaves making them do what ever I asked of them. I was cruel, hateful and tried to hurt him as much as I could so he couldn't take it anymore and he would leave me. I wanted him to go and find someone that could be with him the way he deserved." Tanya stopped dead in her tracks, if vampires could cry, she would be sobbing. She turned to face me and wrapped her strong arms around my hard stone body. She held on so tight and didn't let go. I just stood there on the side of the road and held her trying to bring her as much comfort as I could. I was touched by her actions; this was the side of the story that Carlisle didn't know.

Tanya's face turned up towards mine, she looked in my eyes and stared deep in to them. If I had I soul I would have said she was staring directly at it. She didn't break my gaze and then she leaned in with her brilliant full red lips and kissed me again.

Ok, so here I am at a crossroads. What do I do? Dose Edward leave and go with Tanya, or does he stand his ground and stay with his family?? If he stays Rosalie may appear?? I really can't decide please help me decide where to go with this. Send me reviews and let me know what you think I should do!! Thanks again for reading!!! Love the comments.


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